Why Him?
by Sethoz
Summary: Find out just *why* everything has it in for Daniel! *FINISHED*
1. Why Him?

Sethoz: Way hay, a pointless fic, which DOES have a plot (not a very good one). It's fluff. Basically It's a story in which they try to work out why the universe has it in for Daniel. I don't know why, I love Daniel. *drools*  
  
Lozzie: Shush, you're scare all the nice people. *Sethoz is in the background laughing like the manic she is* Anyway Sethoz doesn't own Stargate, some other person does.   
  
  
  
  
~Why Him?~  
  
Jack looked at the ruins on P3X-362. He didn't see what was so fascinating about them but then, he was not an archaeologist. Jack ambled down to where Daniel was scrabbling away at some rock or other.  
  
"Jack, hey Jack, this is the archaeological find of the century."   
  
"Whoa Danny-boy, slow down. What's so special about this ruin?" Daniel stared at him, doing an brilliant goldfish impression.  
  
"What's so special?!" And then he was off. After about five minutes he noticed that Jack was standing there with a slightly glazed expression.  
  
"And then we found the borg had been here and then Sam ran around in her under ware..."  
  
"Yeah... What?" Jack said.  
  
"Jaaaaack" Jack took one look at Daniel and bolted. He knew Daniel's 'puppy dog' look and that he could never say no to it. Daniel stared after him in a baffled way. Meanwhile Jack had run right into Teal'c.  
  
"Look out Teal'c. Daniel's on the loose and he dangerous!"  
  
"Is this another one of your strange jokes O'Neill?" Teal'c asked.  
  
"Oh for crying out loud Teal'c. What is it with people today! I tell Sam she should have brought more than two pairs of clothing and she gives me a look that would melt stone. Is it my fault that she only packed what she did? No." Jack sighed and looked to where Sam was working  
  
"Maybe I should say sorry..." Jack walked down the hill toward her. She was so beautiful. So sexy.  
  
"Carter! Carter, look I'm sorry." Sam turned round and looked at her CO. He was so manly. It wasn't fair, way did it have to be this way?  
  
"Ahhhhhhh!" The scream was long and terrified. It was Daniel and he did not sound like a happy camper.  
  
"Daniel!" Jack and Sam raced to Daniel. He was lying in a pool of blood, groaning.   
  
"Jack?"  
  
"It's okay, Danny, I'm here. Helps on its way."  
  
"Jack, we have a problem." Daniel muttered. Jack smiled and looked up to see Teal'c rushing back Janet and two soldiers behind him.  
  
"Colonel, what happened?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
~@~  
  
  
SG-1 sat by Daniel's bed.   
  
"What do you think happened Carter? Doc had no idea how he got his wounds."  
  
"Well..." Sam began to speck scientific jargon  
  
"Wow, wow. Simplify." Jack interrupted. His head was hurting and he was not in the mood.  
  
"Ump. I have no idea sir."  
  
"Why him? Why not someone else for a change?" Jack asked the ceiling.  
  
"O'Neill, I do not believe the ceiling knows." Teal'c said. Jack looked at him, was that a Teal'c attempt at a joke?  
  
"He does seem to have a lot of bad luck sir." Sam said  
  
"Ya think? Daniel seems to be the whipping boy of the universe!"   
Teal'c said nothing, just looked at Jack and raised one of those damn eyebrows. Jack stood up and promptly fell right on to the door handle.  
  
~@~  
  
"Well colonel, you're live." Janet sputtered. It had taken her ten minutes to find out what had happened and then five more before she had stopped laughing.   
  
"Sir! Daniel's awake!" Jack walked back to Daniel's bed. He saw a mirror and peered into it. A lovely black eye was forming and Jack was beginning to have trouble seeing.  
  
"Well this is a cliché. One eyed Jack. Colonel One Eyed Jack. I like it." Jack set off again and reached Daniel's room.  
  
"Holy Hannah. What a black eye!" Sam exclaimed.  
  
"Jack! How did you do that!" Came Daniel's voice.  
  
"Oh Chulak, if a warrior injures himself like that it is common for that warrior to spend ten days in training." came Teal'cs voice. They all looked at him "Fortunately we are not on Chulak." He finished.  
  
"Oh, I don't know, some training might do him some good." Sam joked. Daniel looked at them all  
  
"What is going on?"   
  
  
  
~End of part one~  
  
  
Lozzie: Well, that was... short, interesting.  
  
Sethoz: What was wrong with it?  
  
Lozzie: Oh nothing, except NO PLOT.  
  
Sethoz: Oh for crying out loud! Just go away and... just go away!  
  
Lozzie: Fine *walks off*   
  
Sethoz: Oh great. Lozzie, Lozzie I'm sorry.  
  
Furby: Hungry, huh, huh.  
  
Sethoz: AHHHHHHH! She turned the Furby on!   
  
Lozzie *smiling madly* As always please review. Do you think Sethoz should write a Furby story? Second part is coming up so you can find out why this just happened. (Sethoz is nuts, what else?) 


	2. Rolling Dice

Sethoz: NOOO! Stupid computer cut off two parts of the first chap. So I expanded it into this. Read on to find out just *why* the universe has it in for Daniel.  
  
Lozzie: This is *supposed* to be humour, so don't take it seriously. Sethoz read one to many 'Discworld' books and this is the result.  
  
Sethoz: Disclaimer!  
  
Lozzie: Sethoz doesn't own Stargate, Discworld and she's pretty sure she doesn't own Death.(Cool if she does though!) When you read this remember that it's going on at the same time as part 1.  
  
Sethoz: Enjoy!  
  
  
~Rolling Dice.~  
  
  
Four figures are bent around a table. One of them picks up a dice and rolls it.  
  
Fate: My turn. Let's see, 3. 1, 2, 3. Ohhhh! Pick a card. (picks up card.) 'Daniel trips over his shoe laces and falls off a cliff.' or 'Daniel find the archaeological discovery of the century.' Oh the possibilities!  
  
Luck: 'Falls off cliff!' Oh go on, go on, go on.  
  
Fate: Yeah but he always falls off cliffs. What do you think Death?  
  
Death: ...  
  
Destiny: He's upset because we won Daniel back again.  
  
Death: WHY CAN'T I KEEP HIM?  
  
Luck (giggling) I *love* Daniel.  
  
Fate: I'm going to be nice to Daniel. (pushes one of the pieces on the board.) You're turn Destiny.  
  
Destiny: Right, come on seven. (rolls dice, six comes up) NOOOOOO!!!! I wanted seven! Oh well, let's see... 'Jack runs right into Teal'c.' What sort of turn is this? I wanted him to kiss Daniel, not run into Teal'c.  
  
Fate: What did you say?!  
  
Destiny: Nothing! You're turn Luck.  
  
Luck: yes! Make Sam and Jack think thoughts about each other. (laughs like a manic)  
  
Destiny: NO! Sam and Jack will never get together. Daniel and Jack will! That's why there's a beer called 'JackDaniels' (a puff of smoke then, a bottle of 'JackDaniels' appears. Destiny takes a swig.) Jack and Daniel forever!  
  
Luck: (puts hands over ears) La la la la la. I can't hear you!  
  
Destiny: (jumps up. She is wearing a t-shirt with the words 'I want a Jack/Daniel's!')   
  
Fate: STOP IT! We agreed that they would stay away from each other. Death agrees with me don't you?  
  
Death: ... (pulls out two flags.) WELL, I'M A FAN OF (lifts up the first flag) DANIEL AND HATHOR. (lifts up the second flag) I ALSO LIKE JACK AND TEAL'C.  
  
(Dead silence. Birds can be heard singing.)  
  
Fate: Moving on from that disturbing piece of imagery. Let's carry on. You're next, Death.  
  
Death: RIGHT, DANIEL GETS MAULED BY A MYSTERIOUS BEAST.  
  
Destiny: (finishes bottle of 'JackDaniels' Another one appears.) Right, well 'Jack and co get Daniel home in time.'  
  
Death: IT'S NOT YOU'RE TURN.  
  
Fate: I agree with Destiny.  
  
Luck: Me too!  
  
Fate: Right so we will save Daniel.  
  
Luck: Daniel is *sooo* handsome.  
  
Death: IT'S NOT FAIR!!! I NEVER GET TO KEEP HIM.  
  
Destiny: (who by then had finished her third bottle of JackDaniel's) Is it my turn?  
  
Fate: Yup.  
  
Destiny: Goody! Let's see (starts to laugh at a joke, no one else has heard.) 'Jack falls down and hits his head on a doorknob!'  
  
Fate: Oh lord, she's drunk again.  
  
Luck: Daniel jumps out of his bed and tells everyone that he has fallen in love with a girl called 'Luck'  
  
Fate, Destiny, Death: (at the same time) NO!  
  
Destiny:(off key and very loud.) Laa, I'm a little tea pot, short and stout.   
  
Fate: That's it! No more SG-1 game!  
  
Luck (bursts into tears)  
  
Death: (hopeful voice) CAN I HAVE DANIEL THEN?  
  
Destiny: No Death!... Death's. Why are there two of you?  
  
Fate: (cries) That's it! I'm off. (Runs off)  
  
Death: IF I CAN'T HAVE DANNY, I'M OFF TO START A PLAGUE. (disappears in a big flash of black light. The effect is slightly spoiled when it runs back in to pick up it's scythe which it had forgotten.)  
  
Luck: And I'm off to see if my 'Daniel Jackson forever' T-shirt has arrived yet. (jumps up and skips off)  
  
Destiny: I'm going to stay right here... I think I'm going to be sick. (Leans over and throws up in a yellow bucket)  
  
And so we leave the God's to there work of great importance. Until the next time they play with SG-1, good bye!  
  
~Fin~  
  
Sethoz: I did it!  
  
Lozzie: Right...  
  
Sethoz: I really like these characters. I'm off to write them into my Furby/Stargate story.  
  
Lozzie: Oh no.  
  
Sethoz: My best friend Desert_Rose suggested I do a tiny character thingy. These characters, WITH there personality are mine!  
  
  
  
Fate: Eldest of three sisters. Only sane sister.  
  
  
Destiny: Middle of three sisters. Likes Jack/Daniel slash and getting drunk.  
  
  
Luck: Youngest of three sisters. Has a crush on Daniel (Who doesn't?)  
  
  
Death: Unhappy because it never gets to keep Daniel. Likes some very weird pairings! 


End file.
